I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
