Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
