I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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