Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
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I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
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I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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