Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
