Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize