I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
