not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just found a bag of teeth...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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