remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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