2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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