The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
