The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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