I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
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After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
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you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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