Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize