Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
