Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
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it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
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You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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