Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
