My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
