sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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