it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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