had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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