We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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