you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
