my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
