my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
