don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
