dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
