I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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