This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
