and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
