We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
