Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
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Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
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The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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