apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm too high and old for this...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
