And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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