I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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