She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
