My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
