Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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