so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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