Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
