You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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