I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
