eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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