We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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