That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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