Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
