it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
