It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize