Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
