what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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