I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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