I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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