I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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