I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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