its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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