At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
