why didn't you poke me back
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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