Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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