i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
