my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
