dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
