I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
