Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
